Trust us, everyone, you don't want to be a douche! And we pride ourselves on not having them as fans. Not that they'd get the show anyway.
So what's our definition of a douche? A douche can be male(d-bag) or female(she-bag), and so far, these are the traits we've come up with.

Love Horrible Music: Anything that gets played in the club will usually also end up in their car.

Party Shirts: Douches love to wear a party shirt to the club. It's like their uniform. Picture a longsleeve shirt, loosened at the collar, probably silk with some kind of striped pattern. Lady d-bags, anything than makes them look sluttier or more important than they are.

Shallow: A douchebag will avoid hanging around someone based on their clothes/hair. Unless you're an excellent wingman.

Self Important: Douche Bags instantly seek out the way in which any given scenario boils down to them. Great examples can be found at tweetingtoohard.com.

Say "Faggot": A douche bag will say "faggot", and not in jest. They actually think it's one of the worste things a person could be.

Don't Get Subtle Humor: They might pretend to get your reference, but trust us; they don't. They'll enjoy "Life According to Jim" far more than "Arrested Development".

Excessive Cologne/Perfume: Don't get stuck in an elevator with a D-Bag; you may never smell again! Too much is never enough cologne / perfume with these people.

Seashell Necklaces: Not all Douches wear them, but someone who IS wearing one? 90% chance that person's a d-bag.

Back in Episode 38 around 15:50 we had a VERY FUNNY and lengthy conversation about Larry Appleton following a game of "Guess the Sitcom Punchline". It was following this conversation that we realized Larry was the archetype for SOMETHING. In Episode 32 around 32:40, we unveiled the LEAGUE OF PITIABLE WIENERS.
Email hotcakes@hotcakespodcast.com to suggest new additions to the following wiener related lists!

Possible Traits of a Pitiable Wiener: In poor shape; unwilling or unable to manage own appearance; hobo style clothing; off-colour, blown-out y-front tighty whitey undwear; just can't win; repellent to the opposite sex; assumed to be trying to kill themselves all the time; generally unskilled.

Wiener List

1. *Larry Appleton
2. Murray from Flight of the Conchords
3. John Arbuckle
4. Rick Astley
5. Ted the lawyer from Scrubs
6. Corey and Trevor from Trailerpark Boys

You've got your Paris Hiltons, your Lindsay Lohans, then there are the celebrities that DON'T make you want to bomb the earth. This is where we acknowledge, in no particular order, those celebrities who aren't retarded and who you could get away with lusting for without lowering our opinions of you.

List of Worthy Celebs

1. George Clooney: Handsome, has integrity, involves himself in meaningful projects.
2. Charlize Theron: Really beautiful sans skankiness, talented actress, not starved for attention.
3. Jon Hamm: Genuinely funny, Classic Handsomeness, goes on podcasts, no need for 'H' in 1st name.
4. Henry Rollins: Worldy, Adventurous, Political, Angry at idiots.

While out in the world you see many different people; and they all have traits. Sometimes these traits are worthy of their own person classification! Here's our list of person types we've come up with on the show, or while out & about.

People in the World

1. Yearn: This becomes the new name of the character you've spotted. The person is often seen in the background of a photo that's being taken. They long for the day they'll get to pose WITH the subject of the photo, but they've waited too long and are now left to simply 'yearn'.
2. OGD: Obsessive Grooming Disorder. This is a female who who's so done up she likely avoids sex with boyfriend for fear of messing her hair. She's also toothpick thin, but who would notice her skeleton body with that fabulous outfit in the way?!
3. Decepto-bag: A male douche bag who's age is a mystery. This person could be a scruffy, unshaven, hard-lived 20 year-old, or a drunken Peter-Pan-Complex-Having 40 year-old. Tends to dance like a goof and wear a denim or leather jacket.